drama blood review

ok first time aku rasa aku tulis review untuk satu drama korea. actually, memang tak pernah umur pun nak tulis review pasal drama ni baik keluaran negara mana sekali pun. tapi kali ni sumpah tahap tak puas hati tu sampai dah beberapa hari ni pun tak reda. aku rasa aku layak untuk tulis review ni since aku tengok drama ni dari episod 1 sampai lah ke akhirnya. mula-mula kan, drama ni gives me lots of high expectation. it seems good. original. the idea of an infected person= vampire is something yang outstanding, a new idea. fresh. but later on, the storyline becomes bored. everyone seems has a need to be killed and died. unnecessary death is here and there. ok, tadi aku semangat nak menulis tapi sekarang dah malas pulak. anyway, everything's so wrong with the drama 'BLOOD' eventhough the title is the best so far.

takut

aku takut andai aku jatuh cinta sekali lagi kerana kali ini pasti akan lebih pahit dan menyakitkan. aku mengenali dia atas dasar ingin membantu kawan lain, berkenalan dan menjalinkan hubungan. tapi, atas dasar itu, aura lelaki itu seakan mengikatku. aku rindu padanya hari ini tatkala dia sedang jauh. aku sukakan sifat keanak-anakkannya. dia kelihatan comel pada pandanganku. aku menginginkan lelaki sepertinya namun itu semua tidak boleh berlaku. aku akan mengkhianati persahabatan yang sedia ada atas dasar cinta. aku takut ya Allah andai rasa ini mekar tumbuh akan nanti membinasakan aku. kenapa harus dia? adakah kerana aku sedang sunyi lantas setiap yang datang itu boleh diterima begitu sahaja? namun mungkin tidak, dia datang dengan cara yang berbeza. caranya yang menginginkan perhatianku itu yang mengundang detak di hati ini. aku suka menjadi kepentingannya. tapi, keakraban ini harus dimusnahkan secepat mungkin sebelum ada hati yang bakal terluka.

a beautiful man

12 a.m / 1 March 2016

i was attracted to someone. i know i always fell for attractive side of someone but this feels different. i don't do stuff i did with other guys (by not being myself). i am myself when i'm with him, around him and our conversation was merely nothing but left an after effect to me. he is such an attraction, i'm afraid i have to admit to such fact. i'm afraid if this feeling grow, it will hurt me and my very own best friend. i don't vow for love to lose a friendship, and a worthy one on top of it. i hope i don't fall for a wrong man, again.

drama and conflict

kehidupan tak pernah kosong daripada dipenuhi drama dan konflik. kadang-kadang tengok kehidupan realiti ni dah macam drama drama yang ditayangkan dekat tv tuh. penuh kejutan tapi itulah kehidupan. haritu aku cakap dengan ayah nak bawak kereta pergi universiti.ayah biasalah perangai dia, tak reti nak cakap bila orang minta izin. mungkin sebab anak sulung dia ni kalau cakap nampak sangat macam mandatori semua orang kena ikut then petang tu juga ayah pergi servis kereta bagi tinted habis. habislah aku. aku P pun belum habis tapi kereta dah mengalahkan orang besar. dah adat hidup aku nak stand high but be humble. jadi bila ayah servis kereta jadi macam tu, aku susah hati sendiri. hidup aku selamanya pun menurut peraturan. aku bukan seorang yang suka mencari masalah then bila aku tanya ayah kenapa servis sampai macam tu, ayah kata aku susah nak berterima kasih dan tak reti nak menghargai penghargaan orang lain. salah mungkin cara pertanyaan aku. ataupun kerana hubungan yang renggang menyebabkan bertanya juga menjadi salah. daalam hidup ini, ada satu benda je yang aku takut iaitu bila aku beku tanpa perasaan. masa tu, dah takkan ada lagi yang mampu mengetuk pintu hati aku yang sedia terkunci. masa tu, aku akan tanpa sedar melukakan semua orang yang ada di sekeliling aku. dan aku harap masa tu takkan datang sebab aku yang tak berperasaan adalah aku yang mati.
semalam, aku main rollerblade then lutut aku luka. tapi pelik bila luka itu lngsung tak dirasai. mungkinkah memang betul bila hati sudah sedia terluka, luka lain nampak terlalu kecil dan bagaikan hanya debu yang berterbangan dibawa desir angin? tiada nilainya. aku kini hanya mampu berdoa yang aku yang tak berperasaan takkan pernah muncul menghiasi diari hidup aku sebab itu hanya akan menjadi mimpi ngeri bagi aku dan semua orang.

turning 20, a turning point?

dah lama gila tak update kat my blog sampai url blog sendiri pun lupa. anyway, alhamdulillah jumpa balik blog ni and i can start writing once again. so tak lama lagi, i am turning 20! huhu. muka sedih sangat coz macam baru semalam je masuk sekolah, gaduh dengan kawan and everything but sekarang dah nak menginjak ke angka 20. everything will be different. a whole lot different. the way a conversation be held also will change. maybe, in the near future, akan ada yang sibuk bertanya, bila nak kahwin dan sebagainya. haha. typical.

tapi, bila fikir balik, everything happened for a cause nothing but a good one. in short, bila dah nak masuk umur 20 ni, i started to think of lots of things. about what had happened in the past and how it create my future. now, i am becoming mature with age and started to wonder of why did i rush into things i shouldn't rush into or doing things i shouldn't do, taking responsibilities for one purpose but fame and ended ruining myself. hmm...

tapi segalanya dah in the past. things yang should be left as memories but shouldn't be forgotten. cuma sometimes, deep down inside, i hold lots of regret lah. kadang-kadang rasa nak patah balik masa and start over again. tapi, it can't be done so let's move on into resolving a better future, i guess.

so now in 2016, walaupun lambat 17 hari wishlist ni tapi tak ada sesuatu itu lewat melainkan sesudah mati. so, as to becoming a better me, here's the wishlist:

1. be a happy me. considerate others but never forget me. me comes first. i am my priority.
2. don't hurt me. let go of those hands that wounded me and hold those who never leave.
3. be an affectionate me.
4. be less worry and enjoy life to the fullest.
5. always prepare myself but always cheer for surprises.
6. stop complaining.
7. achieve this dream that wasn't even mine.
now that i'm older, i can be realistic. not all that we want, we can get. if i put trust on Allah sooner, my heart wouldn't be a broken picture. but, humans are made to be forgetful, for those who remember are those who are blessed.

Life isn't A.Bed. Of. Roses

Life isn't a bed of roses. Yeah, I know that. But, sometimes, it shouldn't be too much hurtful. Wise men said that those who suffer from disappointment in their childhood tend to grow in disappointment throughout their life. Well, I guess that is what happens to me now. I keep on disappointing because I couldn't let go of every inch of hurtful stuff in the past. I guess I just probably doesn't get to find the cure for such poison yet, am I right?
So, you whom I trusted with my life, then betray me. Don't you think that I will at least try not to look into your eyes ever again? You never felt such disappointment as I had . So, I won't blame you for that reason. But, as a human being,.just a human being, can you at least try to make the effort not to hurt me even more?!!! Can't you see that I'm holding it in so hard?! Can't you even make an attempt to realise and seek me some peace?! Some kind deeds?! You just can't get enough of making me wounded. Maybe, when I'm torn apart, that is the time when you will stop..so, don't you ever try to change my attitude upon you because now is the time for me to take care of my own priorities and that is not YOU!!! Enough of toying me around. Enough of acting. Your act..

my life now

Ok. Assalamualaikum. Dah lama tk citer citer kat sini. Well. Alhamdulillah. Now , I da move on!!! Yeah!!! Sekarang I da move on from the old memories of him. Well, lagipun org ckp. How can we be happy when we don't.move on from those who left us?? I took that as an advice and started to realise that for all this time I was hurting myself by falling hard into him whereas he, on the other side, doesn't feel it at all. But, the time I took to come back to my sense wasn't a waste. It'll only gonna make me wiser. So now I can tell him that I am happy for him. Oops, I forgot to tell you that he is now in a deep love with somebody. He said that she was a bless that come to him when he was down. Well, sometimes it is hurtful to hear such things but I'd be happy for him. That's the best thing that I can do. Well well well. I hope he will marry her and be happy.forever. because to me, he was one of my favorite favorite nightmare. And now.I woke up, he is only a dust in the thin air. Now, goodbye u thin dust.. Hahaha
Ok, another story, it is about a girl who messed up my life. Don't she thinks she some kind of queen?!! Oh, you're suck bitch. Oops, haha. She is a big nuisance, a bullshit. Now that I th.about.it through, I'm.going to fight fir my right and no one can ever stop me. You and your swing mood, go away from my life!!!

abg...

alhamdulillah. I don't know any more word to describe how I feel right now. he has returned back to me. after three years, he walked away from my life because of what I did to him, now. he has returned. he was hurt and now he recovered. I couldn't say much when he greets me again. it feels like a dream. I couldn't imagine a man whom I was about to forget suddenly came back and reached out his hand for my heart. truly, I couldn't lie anymore. he is the one I've been looking for, for all this while ..

alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah.. at last, result spm da keluar and I got the exact result yg I deserve to get. no offended feeling cuz I know it worth like that. I dont need more so tengs Allah for every thing you gave me. To all my tc, frenz and family, thanks for the support. I am really thankful for everything.

And also alhamdulillah cuz I am not hurt anymore when I see his pic with another girl who owns his heart. I've learned that h wasn't the one for me. May Allah always bless him and his special one till Jannah. Amin. Insyaallah. There will be someone better than him for me in the future. Insyaallah....

no bestfriends is better what!

assalam..
today , i would like to share bout something, that tore my little, tiny, cute heart.
it happened bout a month ago...
a friend of mine, someone i've known for a very long time, indeed.
what she did was something unforgiveable, but i've already forgive her. even the Prophet Muhammad can forgive his Ummah, why can't I?
but, here. i won't state what she has already done but frankly speaking, she wasn't my friend anymore the day since. technically, i was hurt deeply inside. she doesn't respect me as her friend. did she ever think of me as her friend? i don't know. deeply inside this tiny little heart, i am hurt. still hurt. people thought that i am okay with everything, but damn it. i can't take it no longer. a friendship has already broken into pieces... that's why no bestfriends is better what..

cinta itu tak semestinya memiliki

salam,
 hari ni... saya rasa saya dah faham apa maknanya CINTA itu...
hmm... tak semestinya memiliki...
tak semestinya menerima
tapi selalu memberi...
yes, i've given you all my love...
and nothing else left for myself,
haha, sadis kan?
yes, sadis sebab awak tak faham tahu?
awak langsung tak faham...
ceh, sedih habis saya ni...
yes, i keep making mistake in my life....
mistake in falling in love with you
but, you're never with me
you never feel it.
what?
am i a toy?
you're such a heartbreaker.
talking to my friend yesterday, it seems that you are totally rubbish. im playing with my heart. i made it play by you. we're both rubbish... totally...

titled!

assalamualaikum w.b.t..
titled?
apa maksudnya cik adik oi?
haha, nothing lha.. just a moment please, a story that begins with...
on my birthday, the man i love sang me a selamat ulang tahun, sayang song by imran ajmain.
damn nice! eh, i feel like crying now...
but, now. he is away from me. so far away...
he's in japan now. yeah, indeed. for all this tima, he has been away from me but when he is there, in another country, i feel like dying inside of me.
eh, crazy isnt it?

but, this is what i feel inside... love, but he doesnt understand me..
but, still i respect him..
he once said this:
if you had your heart on me, put it aside. i dont want u to hurt. its not the time for coupling. i have my own ambition and i wanna grab it before loving somebody.
that's it! this is my man. tha right man for me.
o, Allah. keep my heart still strong for him. only him. no others...insyaallah. and, put love for me in his heart. only me as his girl...

awak tak faham agaknya?

salam...
hari ni ada citer tak best lha
boring, menyakitkan hati yang sudah sedia SAKIT nie..
awak tak faham agaknya?
kenapa awak suka post2 benda mcm tu?
awak suka sgt nak tunjuk pd semua org, pd saya ni yg awak tu hot ke?
awak ni...
tak faham agaknya apa saya rasa pd awak?
ke awak memang suka buat saya rasa mcm tu?
sakit hati dan sebagainya
awak tahu tak, awak buat mcm tu,
awak tak nampak pun mcm mana reaksi saya...
ms cinderella tu siapa?
suka2 aje bagi awak hadiah...
saya tahu awak mesti kata saya sibuk je nak marah2
ea, saya peduli apa?
geramnya rasa hati...
allah...

p/s: can't u see that i'm the one who understand u
      been here all along so why can't u see
      u belong with me....

form 3 tak guna

salam...
lama tak update
now i got a story
kesian dengan batch aku
kurang ajar betul Form 3
kau orang ingat kau buat macam ini kita orang nak diam jelah
sampai mati kau kena caci
tak guna
kau jangan ingat kau bagus ea
tak reti BERSYUKUR
 tau tak?
syukur lah patutnya dapat senior sebaik kita orang ni
senior kau orang selama ini kan jahat
sebab tu kau orang jadi jahat
ee, aku rasa nak mencarut kat kau lah MURSYID TAK GUNA!!!
geramnya aku...
aku benci kau

sweet sour salty song

Lirik Lafazkan - Rahayudean

OST Putera Rayyan

Bila resah semuanya keranamu

Kadang gundah juga kerana kamu

Tapi mungkinkah kerinduan ini

Turut jua engkau rasai

Lafazkanlah kasih Kalimah cinta

Lafazkanlah saja Rindu milik kita

Kerana hati ini Hanyalah buatmu

Setulus hati ku Ku serah padamu

Oh kekasih

Kekasih janganlah kau pergi

Kerana ku menyayangi mu

Kerinduan ini hanyalah untuk mu

Percayalah ku cinta padamu

Moga realiti bukannya mimpi

Bila resah semuanya keranamu

Kadang gundah juga kerana kamu

Tapi mungkinkah kerinduan ini

Turut jua engkau rasai

hurt...again...

assalamualaikum...
i was hurt!
technically, i was hurt for all my life..
16 years living in hurt...
am i the one to blame?
i know i am no guilt...
i was living in hell for all this time..
know what i am sick of?
i am tired of DRAMA and EVERYTHING!
someone said to me i keep telling bad thing about my family..
hey, think about it
you are the one who keep making me this bad
you tortured my heart...
you condemned my freedom...
i never get chances to go and explore the world but you got...
you never realised how much you hurt me...
because of that, you keep telling me your WONDERFUL story
because you never thought how much it could hurt me..
16 years i was living with heart-broken, with you, BACKSTABBERS!!!
i can list down all sorts of thing you ever did to me, but i won't..
because whenever i started to speak, i'll shed tears down my cheeks...
i don't want to cry, i'll looked funny, idiot and weak...
and in that way, you'll damn easily cut me down...
shut up, u fool..
i had it enough here!

that's why some people said..
"sometimes, strangers are like family and family are like strangers"

  

family

strangers

crushing itu sakit

salam...
today i want to talk about
 
crushing is hurting, right?
it's too wounded deep in my soul...
he is a very good guy but i think
because of that, he was owned by somebody else..
haha, i don't know why i crush into him...
maybe, he's like a fallen angel..
and i'm no one compared to him...
whoa, it's bleeding in me...

i am hurt and wounded..
maybe
i was seeking for so much perfection
but, i was not perfect enough to own one...
o allah...
guide me back to the reality..
i'm sleeping in another world of fantasy
please, wake me up...
i'm begging u please...

falling hard for one-D

salam, semua...
i just don't what is happening to me right now but im falling hard for one-d!!!
OMG!!!
why?
 but only for their songs , okay?
hahaha...

cute, huh?

yeah, they are super duper triper cute..

but, still , talking about falling hard, i've fall for infinite so long before...

 

see, cuter boys!!!

hahaha, crazy girl...

little things one direction

"Little Things"

[Zayn]
Your hand fits in mine
Like it's made just for me
But bear this in mind
It was meant to be
And I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me

[Liam]
I know you've never loved
The crinkles by your eyes
When you smile
You've never loved
Your stomach or your thighs,
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But I'll love them endlessly

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if I do
It's you
Oh, it's you they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

[Louis]
You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
And maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep
And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me

[Harry]
I know you've never loved
The sound of your voice on tape
You never want
To know how much you weigh
You still have to squeeze into your jeans
But you're perfect to me

I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it's true
It's you,
It's you they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things
[Niall]
You'll never love yourself half as much as I love you
You'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to.
If I let you know I'm here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you, oh.

[Harry]
And I've just let these little things slip out of my mouth
'Cause it's you,
Oh, it's you,
It's you they add up to
And I'm in love with you
And all these little things

[All]
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it's true
It's you,
It's you they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all your little things

Speak Now - Taylor Swift